Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
