we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
