He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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