u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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