I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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