Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
