You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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