oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you would pick up someone in the library
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
