I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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