Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
