My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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