Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
