I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
