he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
