it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
