but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
