Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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