Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think my fart just growled at me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize