Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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