my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
time to smoke my breakfast
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
