so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
