I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
