the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
