I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
