Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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