The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
