chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
