Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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