I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
