everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize