Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
