I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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