tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
