We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize