ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
