Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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