We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
