He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
