Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
