oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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