Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
