Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
