Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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