you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
