I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
