I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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