Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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