How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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