I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
