Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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