i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
