We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
