Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
