my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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