wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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