I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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