Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have aggressive nipples.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
