dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
