I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
