You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
