We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
