so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to calm my uterus...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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