i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
