Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
