Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Boobs are out for the taking
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
