I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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