i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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