what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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