Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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