The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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