No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
