she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
