Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
