So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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