"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
