I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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