Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
