areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
