even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize